Part of my self-perception has always been that I often play the role of the cynical observer. I am more skeptic than believer, more likely to tear something down than build it up. I have always been more likely to sit back on the sidelines and comment on the action than to actually throw myself into it. My nerdiest pick-up line ever (describing myself as the “Nick Carraway” of the group) might also have been my most accurate. Heck, what have all of the incarnations of this blog been if not a way to report on all that goes on around me? I’m usually at the center of any group I’m in, but only because that is where the best view is. If that view allowed me to poke fun at everything around me, all the better.
Last week I was fortunate enough to go on two trips. The first trip was a work conference and training program in Oakland that all involved referred to as “CAMP”. Considering that almost all attendees were in the 25-40 demographic and that there was lots of talk about starting a movement and changing the world, this whole event appeared to be teed up for parody. As the week went on, though, I began to lose the desire to mock. I really liked all of the people around me. I might not have been inspired, but I definitely felt like I was part of something bigger. Sure there were some ridiculous activities and people who were just a little too excited, but I even found myself starting to like them, too. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was becoming one of them.
None of this really crystallized for me until the second part of my trip. On Friday night, I flew into Boulder for Susan’s 30th birthday party. I was really looking forward to that weekend, because in addition to hanging out with Susan and Aaron, I’d get to spend time with Sarah, Dane, and Jeff. On Saturday, we all gathered at a condo Aaron rented for the occasion and hung out with all of Susan’s friends to do what we specialize in…drink to excess. This was an older crowd than I normally hang out with…i.e., it was one that was actually my age for a change. As the night moved on and everyone got sippier, the conversation shifted in the direction of the “kids” today. Person after person expressed their opinion that the 21-year-olds of the world shouldn’t say anything until they had the chance to live a little. Well, Jeff didn’t say that…he greatly values all that 21-year olds have to offer. But as the conversation progressed, I began to become put off by its judgmental nature. It had the tenor of an old man yelling at the kids to get off of his lawn.
Don’t get me wrong…I had a very good time in Boulder (as anyone who read Jeff’s Facebook feed on Saturday can attest). And undoubtedly, I love my college friends in a way that I’ll never feel about any co-workers. What my two vacations did help me realize is that I am definitely not the same person I was when I left Houston three years ago. Undoubtedly, I’m less judgmental than I was before. I am more likely to drink the Kool-Aid. For lack of a better term, I just care more now. And if caring means that I have to participate more and relinquish my observer’s perch, I think I’m ready.
What I'm Listening To: Philadelphia - Standard Fare, Colleen - The Heavy, Too Young to Burn - Sonny and the Sunsets
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