I love movies. I love being the only person in a Tuesday morning art house matinee or packed in with hundreds of others on opening night of the newest blockbuster. I love documentaries and teen sex comedies, foreign language melodramas and one-last-heist genre flicks. I love submersing myself into a world of someone else’s vision and leaving all of my day-to-day troubles at the door. The only thing better than the way movies can make you think is the way they make you feel.
Last year, I saw a total of 80 movies released in 2009. I’ve been very fortunate to see almost all of the movies I wanted to (notable exceptions: Crazy Heart and A Single Man). Over the next week or so, I am going to rank all of them, not necessarily by quality, but by how much I personally enjoyed them. Sure, Invictus might be a “better” movie than Zombieland, but there is no doubt that I enjoyed the latter much more. Overall, I felt like it was a pretty good year for film. I saw about 30 movies that I can recommend almost unconditionally. But, you won’t be reading about any of those today. Let’s start with the bad.
The Holy Jesus Wow This Movie Has To Be In Its Own Category Movie
80) Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans – Warner Herzog’s newest movie received a score of 85 at RottenTomatoes.com. For those of you unfamiliar with that website, Rotten Tomatoes collects the reviews from all of the prominent film critics across the country. A score of 85 means that 85% of the reviews for this movie were positive. I call bullshit. This movie is ridiculous, over-the-top, psychotic, and mostly just outright bad. This is a complete “Emperor Has No Clothes” situation. Since the director is a famous beloved eccentric, he is praised for making a bad movie intentionally bad. The best way I can describe it is to take David Lynch-level crazy and mix it with the plot and acting skill of a straight-to-DVD Steven Seagal thriller. Honestly, I’m probably being a little hard on this movie. It goes so far past bad that it is almost good again. If there is one movie that I’m likely to throw a watch party/drinking game night for, this is the one.
The Normal Bad Movies
79) The Informers – Brett Easton Ellis’s worst collections of fiction become undoubtedly his worst movie adaptation. Pure, insipid ridiculousness that somehow takes itself way too seriously. Great nude scene (s) though…you know, if you are in to that kinda thing.
78) Gigantic – Plot: A young mattress salesman dreams of adopting a Chinese baby, but plans evolve when a young woman named Happy enters his life after falling asleep on one of the mattresses in his store. Yep, amazing that one sucked. The writer/director must have some strong blackmail material…look at how strong the cast is for this dreck.
77) Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen – Never saw the beginning, never saw the end, saw more than enough.
76) Mysteries of Pittsburgh – This is one of my biggest disappointments. I really enjoyed the book, but everything that was good about it was sanitized in the film version. Mind-meltingly dull and totally forgettable.
75) Still Waiting… - Did you know that the 2005 movie Waiting… had a sequel? If not, you were better off for it. Anything that was engaging and relatable about the first one has been removed. Just not funny.
74) The Girlfriend Experience – There is little worse than a movie that doesn’t realize it doesn’t have a point. Out of Sight is one of my favorite movies, so I hate to trash Steven Soderbergh, but this movie is dull, vague, and poorly acted.
73) Penthouse – Rider Strong of Boy Meets World fame is the leading man in this one…yep, this one is my fault for trying.
72) Fired Up – Two boys go to cheerleading camp to meet women…hijinks ensue! My favorite part of this movie is that the two high school boys are played by actors in their thirties…I hope that joke was intended.
71) The Ugly Truth – Ummm, how did that one get in here?
70) He's Just Not that Into You – Uh…yeah…I feel like my remaining manhood points are dwindling here…
69) Couples Retreat- A bunch of comedic actors that I generally like team up to make a movie with zero laughs. Show just how bad some of the movies were that this one squeaked out of the bottom 10.
68) Year One – See above.
67) Fan Boys – Interesting premise (group of geeky friends road trip to steal a copy of Star Wars Episode I: the Phantom Menace from George Lucas’s ranch) is submarined by the fact that it wasn’t very funny and oddly dated. It might have played better if it was released 10 years ago.
66) Serious Moonlight - For those keeping score at home, that is three Kristen Bell movies in the last four. And that is coming from a guy who things Veronica Mars in one of the ten best television shows ever. Only reason it is this high is because I did enjoy the small twist at the end.
At Least A Few Redeeming Factors Movies
65) Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian – Silly, harmless movie…I’ve seen some critics talk about it like it is the sign of the apocalypse, but I’d happily show this movie to any child under 10.
64) Sunshine Cleaning – A movie that clearly saw itself as the next Little Miss Sunshine right down to the casting of Alan Arkin…quirky, but immediately forgettable.
63) Angels & Demons – Well, Tom Hanks’s hair wasn’t as bad in this one.
62) 17 Again – I’m probably more embarrassed this movie is on the list than any other…just normal bad, not terrible.
61) Jennifer’s Body- This is the type of movie that is most frustrating for me. There is talent here, there is an interesting plot idea, but somehow none of it ever comes together. If things clicked differently, I think this could have been a subversive modern update of Heathers.
More to come soon…next time, I’ll even get to write about some movies that I would almost recommend.
What I'm Listening To: - Giving Up The Gun - Vampire Weekend, Islands - The xx, Sticks 'N' Stones - Jamie T
No comments:
Post a Comment