Why I Should Never Be Allowed To Text Message

You would think I would have learned by now. Always double-check who you are addressing the text message too before clicking the send button. It isn’t like I haven’t made this mistake before. Who can forget the time that I texted my 15-year old sister “come out and get drunk with me” when I meant to send it to Meaghan McEntee? Or the time I sent Michelle the text “I miss you in a dirty way.” Well I intended it to go to Michelle, but I accidentally sent it to the name below her in my phone…Mom.

This weekend, Jeff was in Vegas for is friend Ted’s bachelor party. Ted is the closest thing that Jeff has to a “baller” friend. Last time that group went to Las Vegas for a bachelor party, Jeff came back with ridiculous stories of drugs, $1000 hands of blackjack, and all types of wanton women. Not unreasonably, Friday I drunkenly texted Jeff, “accidentally kill a hooker yet?” You can make the argument that the reference was dated (a terrible 90s movie Very Bad Things) and not that funny (true), but I figured that I would get back some outrageous story in response. And I very well would have, if I had sent it to the right person.

When texting on my phone, it is usually fastest to type in a person’s initials. This almost invariably pulls up the correct name. But I do have one person in my phone that shares the same initials with Jeff…Jose, a very nice, very sweet guy who briefly worked at the same company as me. I haven’t communicated with him at all in the eight months since he was fired for some combination of being too nice and not speaking enough English. Believe it or not, he did not respond to my text. I really hope that a) he doesn’t have my phone number so he has no idea who sent the message, or b) he has since changed his number and it has been recycled for somebody else to use. I find it hilarious to think that someone out there could have just received that message at random.

By the way, I eventually did send the message to Jeff, and this was his response:

“Nope, but I did hook up with a girl in the Gold Coast (a very, very crappy casino) parking lot. She was classy.”

So are you buddy. So are you.